


Meeting The In-Laws, AKA Raising The Bar In Pegasus

by DoctorV



Series: Archive: Doc's Old-Ass Stargate Fic (SG1 & SGA) [7]
Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Crack, F/M, Team as Family, Unconventional Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-15
Updated: 2018-03-15
Packaged: 2019-03-31 19:55:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 782
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13982196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoctorV/pseuds/DoctorV
Summary: John introduces his team/family to his new squeeze. The team questions his sanity.





	Meeting The In-Laws, AKA Raising The Bar In Pegasus

**Author's Note:**

> Archiving some old old OLD fanfic of mine. This was originally posted to LiveJournal 03/26/2008, with the author's note:  
> "I actually originally wrote this for a pairing challenge of "Sheppard/something funny." Since the whole point was to generate pairings that were rare to the extreme, I ignored the peanut gallery's insistence that McKay was funny. ;)"

"Look, sweetie, I _know_ they kinda dropped in unannounced, but...well, they're _family_."

 

Dark eyes narrowed. "They are not your blood," she hissed.

 

"Well...we have different definitions of family," John hedged, flashing a weak smile.

 

Another irritated hiss and she turned away from him, stalking from the room. John watched her go, waffling over whether to follow or whether to go greet his "family." Finally, he decided family trumped romance.

 

Especially when it was packing enough explosives to blow up a small continent and the brain that knew how to do so.

 

"Hey, guys!" John called, waving like a dork as he reached the entryway.

 

"John!" Teyla gasped, then smiled brilliantly.

 

Ronon gave him a manly nod, while Rodney began ranting at him about everything from his hair to his intelligence to his horrible taste in interior decorating.

 

"Look, guys, not that I'm not thrilled to see you..." John started, rubbing the back of his neck. He flashed them a sheepish smile. "But Tess doesn't like surprise visits much, so maybe next time you could call ahead?"

 

"Call a— _Call ahead?!_ " Rodney sputtered. "We're _rescuing_ you! Or did your hair not provide enough padding to protect you from head injuries resulting in the loss of even _more_ of your dwindling supply of brain cells?"

 

"Rescuing me? Didn't you get my message?"

 

His team-slash-family exchanged glances. "Obviously _not_ ," Rodney said, sounding mortally offended. "Care to tell us what this so-called message _said_?"

 

"Right, well, see..." John paused, then beamed. "Tessie rescued me. We've been living together, and we're planning on getting hitched. Make it official."

 

Rodney's mouth moved silently for a moment. "You..."

 

"Sure the in-laws'll be a bitch, but Tessie assures me that they'd only try to kill us if we visited anyway, so I don't have to worry about any awkward Thanksgiving dinners."

 

"We are...happy for you, John," Teyla said in the slow, measured tone she used when she wasn't sure what was going on and suspected Earth-crazy was involved. "Who is this...Tessie?"

 

John grinned at her like a little kid invited to show off his favorite Christmas present. "Hang on a sec, I'll go get her. You'll like her."

 

As he hurried off, calling her name, his team exchanged glances again.

 

" _Married?_ " Rodney whispered urgently.

 

"Stranger things have happened."

 

"It's mind control! Gotta be."

 

"Maybe she's hot," Ronon suggested.

 

" _Perhaps_ ," Teyla said, voice tight with the frustration of a woman dealing with immature males, "they formed a bond during his rescue and fell in love."

 

Rodney crossed his arms over his chest and said with certain finality, "Mind control."

 

Their discussion was cut short by John's return, heralded by the echo of his voice, cajoling the mysterious "Tessie" to come say "hi" to his team. When they stepped back into the entryway and out of the shadows, three weapons immediately went up, pointed unerringly at the female Wraith that John was holding the wrist of.

 

The Wraith hissed at them and John moved to stand in front of her, his free hand coming up. "Hey, hey!" he protested. "That's my future _wife_ you're aiming at."

 

"It's a Wraith," Ronon pointed out, growling.

 

"Thank you, Ronon, I hadn't noticed that," John said sarcastically. "Look, I _know_ it won't exactly be a _conventional_ marriage--"

 

"It's a _Wraith_!" Rodney also pointed out, as if somehow repeating this would suddenly make John turn around and say "Oh hey! It is! Okay, shoot it, guys! Nice save."

 

" _She_ is Tessie and _we_ are in love and _you_ are very close to not making the guest list to our wedding."

 

"John, are you...feeling well?" Teyla tried.

 

"Never better," John replied, glancing over his shoulder to beam at the Wraith. The baring of teeth she gave in response might, for a loose definition of the word, be considered a smile. "Tessie here is a whiz with herbal remedies."

 

And really, there wasn't much they could say to that. The Wraith glared defiantly at them over John's shoulder, but didn't seem to be making any moves to suck out his soul. John looked ridiculously healthy and happy, though a little put-out at their reaction to his fiancée.

 

Another exchange of loaded glances and the team slowly, reluctantly, put their weapons away. Though Ronon kept his hand on his gun, just in case.

 

"That's _better_ ," John praised them, then motioned for them to follow him and...Tessie. "C'mon, we've got some catching up to do and a wedding to plan."

 

It was strangely disconcerting to see Tessie linking arms with him and gazing up at John with affection.

  
As they followed, Rodney whispered to Teyla, "The 'stranger things have happened' bar has officially been _raised_."


End file.
